So, this week’s Kink of the Week is crops.
We only own one crop, from TrussedUK, which was purchased for the bargainous sum of £6! Part of why I opted for a cheap and cheerful model was the fact that I’m not hugely into crops, as stingy play isn’t something I like too much of in my sessions – I really struggle to take stingy. Saying that though, I do like a variety of toys in play and switching it up – even to a toy I’m not a huge fan of – can be a lot of fun.
Something a lot of people forget when starting out is that many BDSM tools originated from vanilla life – and crops are a big example of that. It can be cheaper to look at equine stores for crops and dressage whips. Saying that, I am a Trussed fan, and a good kit can be acquired from them even on a modest budget (No, this post isn’t sponsored by them!)
The biggest practical problem canes and crops cause to me is that they don’t fit in bags we take our kit along to events in – so they end up indiscreetly poking out of the end of the holdall! I do know of some kinksters who have repurposed things like poster tubes and guitar cases to solve this problem – but I’d love to know how you guys carry longer toys to events?
Photo courtesy of Sex with Rose
Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #56? Start with the rules, come back March 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!
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And When I Take You…..
Ride on the Night bus
Superotica Valentine – Day 1
The spelling lesson
Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships
Please let me just say “no.”
5 Easy Mistakes to Make While Flirting
SexyLittleIdeas – The Woman in the Dark Alley
Supporting Love and Freedom
Predicting My Own Future
Let’s Go Down Again
How to eat my pussy
10 (non-sexual) ways to be intimate with your
Permission to be Human: Granted.
Squirting: What Science Says
Date with V. (N. Likes)
Saving Movie Night
Wicked Wednesday: Nervous
Stolen Moments Turn Into Treasured Memories
The Art of the Blow Job and Deepthroat
Stun Guns & Happiness
Fatal’s First Time (with a Hitachi)
Probation Officer #145: Bowre of blisse 9
you will ask Me to fuck your ass
Fish & Chips
This is not an invitation
Men I Have Known
My Storyyy (Trigger Warning)
Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish
More Than Whips and Chains
Being shouted at: kink or abuse?
Explaining violence and sex
Awww Yeah – Targeted Marketing!
Grass is always greener – swinging
Lazy Dog Sex Position
Sex News,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor
Valentine’s Day Sex Toy Selections
Discovering My Sexuality
Pathologizing Male Aggression
So, recently Gawker published an article on condom usage and STI rates among senior citizens in the states. Apparently, doctors are noticing a growing problem with sexually transmitted infections – and as tempting as it is to see only the humour in this situation, it’s something that needs tackling and the routes to do so may well be difficult.
As people find themselves often without partners (either through widowhood or divorce), with less responsibilities now that their children are adults, and often moving into “assisted living communities” (or into retirement homes and complexes here in the UK), it could be said they experience a second youth in many ways.
Take all these new found freedoms, a pinch of rediscovered vitality and a slice of absent sex ed, and what do we have? A rocketing STI rate.
It’s not just in the US either. as an article almost two years ago in the Metro showed, pensioners in the UK are being told they need to adopt safer sex practices if they want to guard against rising chances of contracting infections once thought to be the domain of the club 18-30 holiday-goer. The UK article reports rates doubling in a decade, while Gawker highlight a 31% rise in chlamydia and 52% for syphilis in just four years. Considering rates of condom usage may be as low as 6% among those aged over 61, it’s surprising the rates aren’t even higher.
The problem, of course, is that when we hear teen STI and pregnancy rates are rising, the answer seems clear enough – better sex ed, right? More of it, maybe younger, and in ways that reach the audience (though I’m the first to say that more needs to be done to make teen sex ed better). When it comes to pensioners though… what can we do? It seems to me that the only people who really have an opportunity to broach these subjects are likely to be health professionals, that is unless society’s view on discussing sex shifts any time soon. So, as it stands, doctors need to ask uncomfortable questions, and give advice that their more senior patients may not see coming, or our “aging population timebomb” may have more problems than we anticipated.
STIs don’t discriminate on background, age or status. If you’re having sex with someone you’re not fluid bonded with use a condom. If you’re embarrassed buying them, there are many places to go online such as Freedoms Shop, and if you’re embarrassed to bring them up with a lover? Okay, I can’t hand-hold you through everything… But the “condom conversation” is a lot less blush-enducing than the “you need to get tested” chat.
So this is my first time participating in TMI Tuesday. I’ve been meaning to for a while, and if you’d like to see who else is playing or fancy joining in yourself, hop over to the TMI Tuesday site. This week, we’re talking happy endings.
1. What is the best way you like to be brought to orgasm?
To be honest, what with the anorgasmia I tend to suffer from, any orgasm is a surprise and a bonus for me! Saying that, imagining a version of reality where I didn’t have difficulties climaxing, I think my favourite way is oral – and add some anal stimulation too and I’ll pretty much hit the roof.
2. What is the best way to make you orgasm quickly?
The whole anorgasmia thing rears its head again here. My Magic Wand from Lovehoney works pretty well for this though, or the aforementioned oral-with-anal combination!
3. What is the typical or usual way that a lover chooses to bring you to orgasm?
On those occasions where my clit’s playing ball, and it seems likely I can climax, the most effective way he ensures this is my choking me. In terms of what physical stimulus actually gets me off, it varies a lot – and more on the cooperation/lack thereof from my body rather than one thing or another being more effective.
4. After a night of sexy play, how do you like to end the evening?
This depends on what we’ve been doing. Often our play leans toward the CNC end of things, and if we’ve just been engaging in rape play or similar, I’ll normally be spaced and like to collapse into his arms for snuggles. After an intense session that close contact and comfort can be really important.
5. Have you ever been given a “happy ending” from a professional (e.g., Tantric massage) or at an erotic massage parlor?
I can’t say I have – to be honest I’m not especially comfortable with strangers touching me that intimately!
6. Tell us about something you tried to end? Did you go cold turkey? Did you succeed? Was it a happy ending?
Brutal honesty… yes, my anti depressants. I’ve tried a couple of times, once cold turkey and more recently by cutting down – both times, however, I found it necessary to go back on the meds. I’m planning to talk to my doctor about switching them or weaning off more gradually though, as I’m through with the side effects they give me.
These are my anti-depressants. They help with my anxiety, and they make me feel a little better generally. Sometimes I forget how much they do for me. This soon changes when I forget to take them for a few days, and I remember the difference they make. I’ve been on them for about four years now and I’m not sure that I’ll be able to come off them any time soon.
Mostly, they’re a helpful force. The list of potential side effects is lengthy, though. Of those listed, I suffer from
- Paraesthesia (pins and needles)
- Joint Pain
I have also experienced depersonalisation at times of extreme stress while on this medication.
By far the worst thing for me, personally, is the anorgasmia. It’s something I’ve experienced since I first started taking them, and if anything it seems to be worsening. Some days, toys, partners and hands have no chance and I simply have to give up on an orgasm entirely. Orgasming with a partner is especially difficult – and this is no slight on any recent sexual partner – as that buildup phase of an orgasm is particularly fragile and fleeting in me.
How does this correspond to toy testing and reviewing? Well, I have to pick my days/times for testing carefully – pick a time when my clit’s playing ball, if you will. Failing that, and that may not always be possible, I also have to take into account my own reactions when reviewing – questioning “Is my lack of arousal/orgasm related to the toy or me?”
In some ways it’s strangely helpful. A lot of women (and men for that matter, especially on SSRIs) suffer from difficulty reaching climax and to be able to tell them what did it for me – even with these issues – might help. For example, the Tracey Cox Orgasm Gel and Bombshell Balm were both really fun for me and made it easier to climax.
I don’t intend for this blog to become “about” my mental health issues, but I really wanted to discuss my anorgasmia as I feel like more of us who suffer with it should talk about it. I will say, however, that I do intend to discuss my medication with my doctors because if I can fix this, I would definitely be happier.
Do feel free to share your own experiences in the comments, if you like?
We lie in bed together, spooning.
Tonight, I’m little spoon, cosy in your arms.
Your hand drifts, and finds my neck.
I gasp, and I’m glad of it as you cut off my air.
Just as it becomes too much, you release your grasp.
My heart beat has quickened,
My returned breath shallow and fast.
What will you do next?
I feel you grow behind me, pushing against my ass.
Your grip tightens once more, and I tremble.
A low growl in my ear tells me you want more.
With a handful of my hair, you direct my mouth to your waiting cock
I’m desperate to satisfy you.
Please, let me satisfy you.
Tiring of my oral service, you pull me back by my hair
My legs, quickly spread with you between them
I feel you push your thick cock-head into my asshole
Please, no, I can’t take it!
You grab my hips to secure me for your taking
Pain gives way to pleasure and my cries become moans
What a slut I am, you tell me, to enjoy this.
Once sated, you take up your position once more as my protector, arm draped across me.
I feel myself relax, and drift off.
You make me so nervous, and I fucking love it.
I’m a big fan of biting.
As a “primal” identifying kinkster, it does something to me I can’t quite do justice to in the written word. Biting, scratching, wrestling – all things that get me hot and need no tools or toys to engage in.
Biting has always turned me on, for as long as I’ve been sexually active. My first girlfriend introduced me to the concepts of pleasure and pain mingling as one, and in doing so sparked a fire that has raged in me ever since. I have an odd relationship with pain – and indeed biting – because part of me, usually at the start, kind of hates it. Then something shifts and I “sink into it”, and while it still hurts (oh god does it hurt), it also feels amazing.
The other thing I enjoy about biting is the marks it can leave behind. I’m not so fond of visible marks – I’m talking about hickeys to the neck and the like – because they’re so hard to hide in a professional setting and I’d rather have some control over who sees and knows what about me, but out of day-to-day sight, I love them. Bruises and bites serve as little memory postcards, whenever I look at my body and see a mark created in play, I can’t help but be transported back to that moment, and smile.
Recently (ish), I’ve turned the tables a little and did a little biting of my own with a play partner of ours, and in doing so discovered that leaving the marks is fun too.
See who else is getting into Kink of the Week here
Serious interlude, normal service to resume once judges stop being ridiculous…
This article over on Jezebel infuriated and saddened me. Probably a whole other bunch of emotions too, but I can’t even articulate them. The piece is about a Swedish judge who ruled a man not guilty of rape even though his victim shouted “no” so loudly that her neighbours heard.
His logic? If the man doesn’t think it’s rape, it’s not rape. He even goes on to say that because he didn’t rape her orally or anally, that demonstrates some kind of self control of his part and demonstrates he didn’t rape?
Seemingly recognising the imminent outcry from, well, pretty much everyone, Judge Larsson goes on to say:
If what is happening right now in mass and social media has the potential to scare less experienced judges, we’re on a dangerous path.
Yes, I’m afraid we are going to call you on this. Why? Because this is disgusting and abhorrent.
The precedent this sets is unthinkable.
I’d been planning to write about play rape for a while and now seems like a good time to do so, for reasons that will become clear later on.
Play rape is a reasonably common fantasy but is often considered a taboo, even today. For some, perhaps it just feels too “wrong” to admit to, though that can also be a huge part of the draw. Even the term “play rape” is controversial – some argue rape is rape and to call something play rape diminishes the significance of actual rape. Some prefer the term “ravishment” as a means to distinguish consensual non-consent/play rape from actual, non-consensual activity. Personally, I tend to use terms like CNC and play rape rather than ravishment, purely for reasons of understandability.
Play rape – for those lucky enough to be able to act on their fantasies in this field – differs in style for everyone who partakes of it. For some, they may be the compliant, quiet “victim”. Others may find thrill in the struggle, in putting up a fight. Likewise, a CNC scene can be tender in a way, whispered assurances and coercion rather than all-out force… or it can be brutal and nasty. For some, being degraded and called names is all part of the package, while others veto any such dirty talk. This is why pre-play negotiation and communication is so very important when planning CNC play. Communication of want, needs and limits is always important in kink play, but with this form of play, it can become difficult to articulate any problems during play. It’s always wise, of course, to have a safe word or signal.
Play rape and CNC is something that features regularly in our sex life. I’ve been the “abused young girl” (yes, I know that may disturb some, but YKINMK), the “victim” of a demon rape (yes, that happened… and it was hot) and more recently, just… me.
The most realistic, intense play rape I’ve ever experienced happened just a few days ago. My boyfriend said very little. The face slapping was hard. I cried, harder and more uncontrollably than ever before in a scene. I cried out in terror. If anyone had witnessed it, they’d have thought he were a monster.
Afterwards, I needed his arms around me as the shaking died down and the tears tapered off.
He needed reassurance that I really was okay, and that it had been fun for me (it had).
Play rape, ravishment, consensual non-consent – whatever you want to call it – can be a difficult fantasy to own up to, and a challenging one to indulge in, but when it all comes together, it can be truly euphoric.
Admittedly this is a little late as it’s already a week or so into 2014, but I wanted to post some kind of record of what I’m hoping to do or change in the coming year…
1. Get fitter.
I know this doesn’t sound related in the slightest to sex or kink, but in a way it is. Cardio fitness affects sexual ability and confidence a lot. Being fitter means I can do more!
2. Try new things.
There are a few things in the forefront of my mind on this one – for example pegging – and in a more general sense I’d like to approach things more openly. I feel as though for too long I have held back and if I want to get the most from life, I must learn to throw myself into things more often!
3. Attend some blogging/adult industry events.
I’m always super envious of those who go to such things, so hopefully this will be the year I get to join in the fun!
4. Write more!
Admittedly, 2013 was a turbulent year. As a result, blogging took a backseat. I’m happy to say that life is considerably better now, so I feel confident in saying you’re going to see a lot more of me and my thoughts over the next 12 months.
I’ll let you all know over the course of the year how I’m doing!