Archive for March, 2011

On Shifting Goalposts and Awesome Boyfriends.

Monday, March 28th, 2011
Non Monogamy Map 
First of all, as a side-note, I should be working. I know that. I will be soon, but this all needs to come out of my head if there is even a chance of that happening… Which it really needs to!

I saw the map shown above on another blog post an absolute age ago in a round-up of things the blogger had found, and bookmarked it. I found it interesting, especially as I’d always considered R and I to be mono… But the graphic saw things differently. At the time, our arrangement was that I was allowed to engage in non-sex kink play with friends, as R is less into kink than I am. What interested me especially about the placement of arrangements onto that map was that “You can do D/s stuff with other people as long as there’s no sex and no emotional connection” was classified as “BDSM play and D/s non-monogamy” but did not get defined as a form of poly… whereas the description of “You can do D/s stuff with other people as long as there’s no sex” (but allowing for emotional connection) found itself in “Polyamorous relationships” as well as “BDSM play and D/s non-monogamy”.

Now, when looking at this at the time, I found that slightly odd, because I guess I didn’t really see our arrangement as being poly-ish at all. But then, personally, I think I would struggle to engage in BDSM or D/s play with anyone I didn’t have at least some form of emotional connection with.

Now, the more interesting stuff!

This weekend has been… Interesting. Lately, I’ve struggled a little. I’ve been comfortable with my sexuality for a long time and that hasn’t exactly changed, but I do find being bisexual I get shifts in where my preferences lie, and while I always do like both, there are times I swing far more towards women. Add on to that, that I haven’t been near a woman in a sexual sense in probably about 3 or 4 years… Frustration. On top of that I had begun to feel distant from R because of my mind being all girl-obsessed at the moment. In turn, this meant I felt guilty as sin for it. Now, I know that’s not useful or sensible, but it was how I felt.

On explaining all of this to him, R’s response was (and I quote) “Go for it”. Not the answer I’d expected. After a whole lot more talking across the course of two nights (for some reason, our communication seems to improve once we hit the sack… probably because my communication improves, so I just demand conversations!) we have established what have now been termed as “All new and improved, sparkly goalposts. Some might even say shiney”.

The upshot is:

  • R and I still love each other very much and that comes in ahead of ANYTHING else. He knows to say if he feels differently ever about anything, and any little ‘eeps’ should be mentioned, because I would hate to do anything to ever hurt him.
  • He is totally fine with me having what has been termed “girl fun”.
  • He must be told before anything happens, and has (an unlikely to be used) right of veto.

I think that’s everything. So, yeah, I’m still trying to sort out my own headspace from that.

NK x

And what, precisely, does that have to do with ANYTHING?

Thursday, March 17th, 2011

And so begins the article;  “THIS is the face of killer Beverley Briggs – carer by day and phone-sex worker by night.”

Sorry, what? Please, tell me what the hell her PSO work had to do with her crime? Reading further into the article, we’re told she was deep in debt and had stolen from the pensioner she killed. In that sense, holding down a second job gives further information to her background and possibly to her financial situation – but I am damned sure were it any other kind of second job she worked, say as a cleaner, or in a call centre, it wouldn’t have been “THIS is the face of killer Beverley Briggs – carer by day and call centre worker by night”. It would have, possibly, been mentioned somewhere in the article.

Just checking; I haven’t got mixed up have I? It is 2011? Are we still morally staining people for legal, legitimate work? (Aside from the question of declared earnings, but as there was no mention of her not declaring that would be assumptive.)

Surely the headline should have focussed on the fact that she killed an OLD LADY in her CARE? How is her PSO work more important?!

I have nothing more constructive to say right now, I just needed to rage somewhere.

NK x

On Porn Viewership Switchiness.

Sunday, March 13th, 2011
CC // Flickr
(Yes, Pawn/Porn. I’m freaking hilarious, I know.)

Recently I got thinking about how, I guess “switchy” would be the best word, I am in my porn tastes. I watch porn relatively regularly, upwards of once a week (dependent on when I’m in a situation to do so ;)) and every time I do so, there’s generally something I want. Not just something generically hot, but a specific – sometimes I’ll want to see something very kink, sometimes it’s more vanilla. I might want anal or oral or any number of kinks – sometimes even ones I’ve never identified as having.

Each type is watched from a different perspective for me though, depending on what’s going on, and how I’m feeling that day. If I’m watching a female sub centric scene, then what’s getting me off could be me as the voyeur or placing myself as the tortured sub. In an anal scene, I’m probably imagining my ass being taken, but occasionally in a strapon scene, I might find myself in the mindset of being the fucker rather than the fuckee.

However what I found recently is that gender roles seem to affect the way I fantasise within my porn watching. Normally, if I want kink, it’ll be female-sub centric, where I can identify with the sub. Just recently though, I found myself watching scenes of male subs being Dommed by females and majorly got off on it, very much in a dominant mindset. It’s interesting though, that when I think about the possibility of ever Domming, I can only imagine it with a male sub – don’t ask me why, I’m honestly not sure.

Whether or not anything will ever come of any of these thoughts that run through my head, I don’t know… But for a self proclaimed totally-non switching, complete sub, this is interesting.

NK x