So I wrote here about how we recently attended our first fet event. During the event we played for longer (in a sustained sense) than we had previously, and I took a much longer, harder beating than normal – where new toys were also used.
I’ve read many times about the importance of aftercare to a submissive, and always appreciated the importance – at least for others. I’d never really played hard enough or found my way into subspace. The link there describes subspace as the state of a bottom’s/submissive’s/slave’s mind during play, noting that “deep subspace” is often said to be a state of deep recession and incoherence.
Of course, that all changed on Saturday. Only afterwards did I realise how significant the scene had been, and how “out of it” I’d became. This, my friends, is why it helps a whole lot to at least have my Master there even if not playing!
During the scene, strapped to the cross, I remember “zoning out”, feeling my mind move past the physical into a part of my mind I know I can only access through intense pain or meditation. A quiet place, and somewhere that doesn’t feel affected by the outside world in any form. Looking back now, I can recognise that I was pretty far into subspace. Asked at what became the end of our scene if I wanted to stop, I remember trying to focus on Master and attempting to answer. “I… don’t know…” was all I could manage. It was then, with the focusing issues and the way my legs had stopped supporting me properly that Master called an end to the scene.
Aftercare is something you read about a lot in BDSM/kink circles. I had never especially considered aftercare in relation to myself, nor had I ever expected to be the “kind” of submissive/slave that would need a great deal of aftercare. I look back now and realise that logic is at best flawed. There aren’t “kinds” of submissives/slaves, and no-one can tell prior to play (unless you have prior knowledge) who will need aftercare. What I learnt is that aftercare is really all about listening to, and responding to the needs of your submissive/slave. While the wiki article is quite basic, I have read others online that detail the ways in which a sub/slave may react after a scene. For me, I was disorientated, and needed guidance on really basic things. I found I got the shivers/shakes and my temperature dropped. Knowing what I do now, i intend to keep a sugary drink on hand for post-play next time we play hard, and something warm to wrap up in. Something that was immensely helpful and comforting was the way Master told me how proud he was of me and that he loved me. The tenderness shown there penetrated to my very core.
I know I couldn’t have handled being left on my own at that time. Being expected to stand would have been difficult, and had I not been given time to process and “recover” from the experience, I am certain my subdrop would have been significantly worse.
The bottom line is this; never think you know the extent of the aftercare you or your sub may require until the event occurs. Try to be as prepared as you can. Mostly, just look after yourself and those you play with.