Archive for January, 2012

Care in the Community

Thursday, January 26th, 2012
(Flickr // CC)

So I wrote here about how we recently attended our first fet event. During the event we played for longer (in a sustained sense) than we had previously, and I took a much longer, harder beating than normal – where new toys were also used.

I’ve read many times about the importance of aftercare to a submissive, and always appreciated the importance – at least for others. I’d never really played hard enough or found my way into subspace. The link there describes subspace as the state of a bottom’s/submissive’s/slave’s mind during play, noting that “deep subspace” is often said to be a state of deep recession and incoherence.

Of course, that all changed on Saturday. Only afterwards did I realise how significant the scene had been, and how “out of it” I’d became. This, my friends, is why it helps a whole lot to at least have my Master there even if not playing!

During the scene, strapped to the cross, I remember “zoning out”, feeling my mind move past the physical into a part of my mind I know I can only access through intense pain or meditation. A quiet place, and somewhere that doesn’t feel affected by the outside world in any form. Looking back now, I can recognise that I was pretty far into subspace. Asked at what became the end of our scene if I wanted to stop, I remember trying to focus on Master and attempting to answer. “I… don’t know…” was all I could manage. It was then, with the focusing issues and the way my legs had stopped supporting me properly that Master called an end to the scene.

Aftercare is something you read about a lot in BDSM/kink circles. I had never especially considered aftercare in relation to myself, nor had I ever expected to be the “kind” of submissive/slave that would need a great deal of aftercare. I look back now and realise that logic is at best flawed. There aren’t “kinds” of submissives/slaves, and no-one can tell prior to play (unless you have prior knowledge) who will need aftercare. What I learnt is that aftercare is really all about listening to, and responding to the needs of your submissive/slave. While the wiki article is quite basic, I have read others online that detail the ways in which a sub/slave may react after a scene. For me, I was disorientated, and needed guidance on really basic things. I found I got the shivers/shakes and my temperature dropped. Knowing what I do now, i intend to keep a sugary drink on hand for post-play next time we play hard, and something warm to wrap up in. Something that was immensely helpful and comforting was the way Master told me how proud he was of me and that he loved me. The tenderness shown there penetrated to my very core.

I know I couldn’t have handled being left on my own at that time. Being expected to stand would have been difficult, and had I not been given time to process and “recover” from the experience, I am certain my subdrop would have been significantly worse.

The bottom line is this; never think you know the extent of the aftercare you or your sub may require until the event occurs. Try to be as prepared as you can. Mostly, just look after yourself and those you play with.

NK x

Losing my fetish event virginity.

Wednesday, January 25th, 2012

So, on Saturday I found myself, after much anticipation, at my first ever fet club night.

A little bit of history. I’ve been on the scene for a couple of years roughly, and FetLife for as long. I’ve known I was kinky for longer still, probably more like six years give or take. Over the last couple of years we (Master aka WazDakka and I) have been promising ourselves and others that we’ll get along to a proper event “soon” continually. We made it along to a fair few munches over that time and met some great people on-scene, but never actually made it to a club night.

All that changed at the weekend. We arrived early to attend the rope club too, and WazDakka picked up a few new things to use on me… such as a knotless hog tie – maybe a risky thing for him to know, but it’s certainly fun!

Once we got to the evening, we changed into our fet-appropriate clothes, and headed back over to the club from the hotel we were staying in nearby. I was in my PVC outfit – a corset style buckled top and a skirt – which I got a lot of compliments for, something I hadn’t been expecting!

We spent a lot of time in the social/rope room and just chatted with others until a friend of ours arrived. WazDakka also got to buy a new flogger from another scene friend – or should that be fiend – who makes evil and sadistic items!

Eventually we ventured through to the playroom, my first experience of one, where I laid eyes on the furniture it contained. Our friend had been talking to a ProDomme at the event and had been offered some coaching in dishing out a beating. Somehow, in the middle of all of this, I got volunteered for target practice and found myself shackled to the St Andrews Cross. My first time in a dimly lit dungeon, restrained and I found myself the attention of not one but three sadists (or rather two, plus one in-training!) – a nervous experience to say the least!

I’m told the scene lasted about three quarters of an hour, though I couldn’t tell how long we’d been in there at all. My arse and legs became intimately acquainted with all manner of floggers, spankers and canes (mostly from Master’s toybag, a couple from our ProDomme friend) and tears did fall. After my legs stopped supporting me properly at all, WazDakka called time on the session – my fatal flaw as a slave is my stubborn streak that stops me safewording out even when I probably should. Ultimately though, it wasn’t more than I could take – after all I’m still here now!

The heat radiating from my arse afterwards was amazing. We went outside for a post-play cigarette and found the cooling breeze incredibly enjoyable! The marks on me may look like nothing to many, but for my rhino butt it says a lot – it takes a lot to mark my rear! Sitting wasn’t a bundle of fun, but did serve as a flinchy reminder of what I’d just experienced.

Warning! Herein lies a picture of my butt. If this is something you DON’T want to see, stop reading…. NOW!

Testing, testing?

Thursday, January 19th, 2012

No, not testing the post, but rather testing me. Or at least certain parts of me.

I went today to the local STI clinic (aka GUM clinic) nearby. I should add at this point, that I don’t suspect anything – this is a housekeeping task more than anything.

Not too long ago I got to thinking – I’ve been having sex for 6 years now, and never once have I been tested. I honestly think a lot of people could say the same – but the years, for many, will be higher. There’s still not a culture of routinely getting tested in terms of sexual health, in the same way there is say, a culture for getting  a dental checkup twice a year.

I hope, in time, that changes. Because really, a lot of things can be dealt with easily when caught and caught early. But leaving issues for months or years is only going to jeopardise our own health, so surely this is a no brainer?

What I wanted to use this post for is to say that my experience wasn’t scary. I wasn’t judged. And no, it didn’t hurt. I think the person most at risk today was the nurse who almost had a speculum fired at her due to my overzealous pelvic floor muscles. What can I say, I’m pretty strong in certain ways ;)

Seriously though; guys, girls and all the lovelies inbetween or elsewhere – today was fine. It was easy. Get tested. If you love sex, protect your ability to keep having it, and look after yourself.

NK x

It’s been too long.

Friday, January 6th, 2012

It really has.

I’ve not posted in months, and in those months a lot has happened. I’m not going to try to give a full account of everything, but I think at least a once-over is in order…

Since I last updated on the matter, there’s been a fair bit more boundary-shifting for WazDakka and I. We’ve been through our first involvement with another person as a couple. She was a friend of ours, married, and had always been mono up until that point. Her husband had given her “permission” to be intimate with a girl, which was relatively quickly assigned to be me. Now there was also attraction there between said friend and WazDakka – so permission to play was given there too – but with a caveat of no PIV to take place (which, WazDakka being the honourable type it never did). Under these rules and restrictions the three of us had a lot of fun.

You’d be forgiven for wondering why the use of past tense if it was so good. The problem, at least in part, for us was her husband. Certainly for me at least. He had no interest in seeing his wife and I make out (fair enough, his choice) and was if anything noticably uncomfortable about it. That much didn’t take a genious to work out. So WazDakka and I backed off. We’re still great friends but while he’s [her husband] so clearly not happy with the situation, it’ll be staying platonic.

Since then there haven’t been any more girlies in my life. Which pretty much sucks. A few things could be on the horizon, but we’ll wait and see what pans out.

Perhaps more significantly, we discussed the ethical issues I was having with our arrangement the other night. I felt it was iffy at best that he was allowed to fuck women and yet I wasn’t allowed to fuck men. It’s not so much that I actively want to fuck other guys, but the contradiction seemed unfair. Don’t get me wrong, WazDakka is my Master and ultimately what he says goes, but having a discussion about my issues on how close to a OPP it came seemed sensible.To elevate PIV sex as more significant than other forms of sex riled my queer rights-ness, and to logic that I might get swayed away by something as insignificant as a cock when the rules layed out afforded him such “tempting” sex seemed crazy.

His reply, however, surprised me. He said he’d been thinking about it recently, and that it was stupid, really. And that life is short, and his thinking had altered, opened up, to the idea that it really wasn’t that significant. So if I wanted – with our normal caveat (that the additional person must not be a douchebag) – I was free to enjoy the “company” of guys.

Sure enough, each of our FL profiles were updated, with the both useful and respectful expectation that any guy is to be vetted by my Master WazDakka, and that as such they are to contact him. Within a couple of days, we had a message. Not yet sure about that one, but that’s for it’s own reasons.

So, what are we? We still don’t really “identify” as poly, though we’re not opposed to additional relationship(s) forming if they feel right. We’re sure as hell not mono. We’re us. That’s about as much of a label as we’re going for right now.

And with that I’m aware that was a very long post. So if you got that far, here’s a boob shaped reward:

NK x