Archive for February, 2014

Kink of the Week: Crops

Monday, February 17th, 2014



So, this week’s Kink of the Week is crops.

We only own one crop, from TrussedUK, which was purchased for the bargainous sum of £6! Part of why I opted for a cheap and cheerful model was the fact that I’m not hugely into crops, as stingy play isn’t something I like too much of in my sessions – I really struggle to take stingy. Saying that though, I do like a variety of toys in play and switching it up – even to a toy I’m not a huge fan of – can be a lot of fun.

Something a lot of people forget when starting out is that many BDSM tools originated from vanilla life – and crops are a big example of that. It can be cheaper to look at equine stores for crops and dressage whips. Saying that, I am a Trussed fan, and a good kit can be acquired from them even on a modest budget (No, this post isn’t sponsored by them!)

The biggest practical problem canes and crops cause to me is that they don’t fit in bags we take our kit along to events in – so they end up indiscreetly poking out of the end of the holdall! I do know of some kinksters who have repurposed things like poster tubes and guitar cases to solve this problem – but I’d love to know how you guys carry longer toys to events?


e[lust] #55

Saturday, February 15th, 2014

rose Photo courtesy of Sex with Rose

Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #56? Start with the rules, come back March 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Why I Post Nude Photos (and blog about sex)
Discovering Myself Through My Strap-On
Sex Toy Shaming and Bigoted Wise Cracks, FTW!

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Aftercare and BDSM Play
Two worlds

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

Regulating Our Fantasies

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Fiction

Come Again
And When I Take You…..
Ride on the Night bus
Superotica Valentine – Day 1
The spelling lesson

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Please let me just say “no.”
5 Easy Mistakes to Make While Flirting
SexyLittleIdeas – The Woman in the Dark Alley
Treasured Property
Supporting Love and Freedom
Predicting My Own Future
Let’s Go Down Again
How to eat my pussy
10 (non-sexual) ways to be intimate with your
Permission to be Human: Granted.
Squirting: What Science Says

Erotic Non-Fiction

Date with V. (N. Likes)
Saving Movie Night
Wicked Wednesday: Nervous
The Painter
Stolen Moments Turn Into Treasured Memories
The Art of the Blow Job and Deepthroat
Stun Guns & Happiness
Fatal’s First Time (with a Hitachi)
First Session
Probation Officer #145: Bowre of blisse 9
Trust Games


you will ask Me to fuck your ass
Fish & Chips
This is not an invitation
Men I Have Known
My Storyyy (Trigger Warning)

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

More Than Whips and Chains
Being shouted at: kink or abuse?
Explaining violence and sex
Awww Yeah – Targeted Marketing!
Grass is always greener – swinging
Lazy Dog Sex Position

Sex News,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Valentine’s Day Sex Toy Selections
Discovering My Sexuality
Pathologizing Male Aggression


Sex is…


STIs and OAPs

Wednesday, February 12th, 2014


So, recently Gawker published an article on condom usage and STI rates among senior citizens in the states. Apparently, doctors are noticing a growing problem with sexually transmitted infections – and as tempting as it is to see only the humour in this situation, it’s something that needs tackling and the routes to do so may well be difficult.

As people find themselves often without partners (either through widowhood or divorce), with less responsibilities now that their children are adults, and often moving into “assisted living communities” (or into retirement homes and complexes here in the UK), it could be said they experience a second youth in many ways.

Take all these new found freedoms, a pinch of rediscovered vitality and a slice of absent sex ed, and what do we have? A rocketing STI rate.

It’s not just in the US either. as an article almost two years ago in the Metro showed, pensioners in the UK are being told they need to adopt safer sex practices if they want to guard against rising chances of contracting infections once thought to be the domain of the club 18-30 holiday-goer. The UK article reports rates doubling in a decade, while Gawker highlight a 31% rise in chlamydia and 52% for syphilis in just four years. Considering rates of condom usage may be as low as 6% among those aged over 61, it’s surprising the rates aren’t even higher.

The problem, of course, is that when we hear teen STI and pregnancy rates are rising, the answer seems clear enough – better sex ed, right? More of it, maybe younger, and in ways that reach the audience (though I’m the first to say that more needs to be done to make teen sex ed better). When it comes to pensioners though… what can we do? It seems to me that the only people who really have an opportunity to broach these subjects are likely to be health professionals, that is unless society’s view on discussing sex shifts any time soon. So, as it stands, doctors need to ask uncomfortable questions, and give advice that their more senior patients may not see coming, or our “aging population timebomb” may have more problems than we anticipated.

STIs don’t discriminate on background, age or status. If you’re having sex with someone you’re not fluid bonded with use a condom. If you’re embarrassed buying them, there are many places to go online such as Freedoms Shop, and if you’re embarrassed to bring them up with a lover? Okay, I can’t hand-hold you through everything… But the “condom conversation” is a lot less blush-enducing than the “you need to get tested” chat.

NK x

TMI Tuesday: Happy Endings

Tuesday, February 11th, 2014

So this is my first time participating in TMI Tuesday. I’ve been meaning to for a while, and if you’d like to see who else is playing or fancy joining in yourself, hop over to the TMI Tuesday site. This week, we’re talking happy endings.

1. What is the best way you like to be brought to orgasm?

To be honest, what with the anorgasmia I tend to suffer from, any orgasm is a surprise and a bonus for me! Saying that, imagining a version of reality where I didn’t have difficulties climaxing, I think my favourite way is oral – and add some anal stimulation too and I’ll pretty much hit the roof.

2. What is the best way to make you orgasm quickly?

The whole anorgasmia thing rears its head again here. My Magic Wand from Lovehoney works pretty well for this though, or the aforementioned oral-with-anal combination!

3. What is the typical or usual way that a lover chooses to bring you to orgasm?

On those occasions where my clit’s playing ball, and it seems likely I can climax, the most effective way he ensures this is my choking me. In terms of what physical stimulus actually gets me off, it varies a lot – and more on the cooperation/lack thereof from my body rather than one thing or another being more effective.

4. After a night of sexy play, how do you like to end the evening?

This depends on what we’ve been doing. Often our play leans toward the CNC end of things, and if we’ve just been engaging in rape play or similar, I’ll normally be spaced and like to collapse into his arms for snuggles. After an intense session that close contact and comfort can be really important.

5. Have you ever been given a “happy ending” from a professional (e.g., Tantric massage) or at an erotic massage parlor?

I can’t say I have – to be honest I’m not especially comfortable with strangers touching me that intimately!

6. Tell us about something you tried to end? Did you go cold turkey? Did you succeed? Was it a happy ending?

Brutal honesty… yes, my anti depressants. I’ve tried a couple of times, once cold turkey and more recently by cutting down – both times, however, I found it necessary to go back on the meds. I’m planning to talk to my doctor about switching them or weaning off more gradually though, as I’m through with the side effects they give me.

TMI Tuesday button

Easy Come, Easy Go? SSRIs and Anorgasmia.

Saturday, February 1st, 2014



These are my anti-depressants. They help with my anxiety, and they make me feel a little better generally. Sometimes I forget how much they do for me. This soon changes when I forget to take them for a few days, and I remember the difference they make. I’ve been on them for about four years now and I’m not sure that I’ll be able to come off them any time soon.

Mostly, they’re a helpful force. The list of potential side effects is lengthy, though. Of those listed, I suffer from

  • Paraesthesia (pins and needles)
  • Yawning
  • Joint Pain
  • Nervousness

I have also experienced depersonalisation at times of extreme stress while on this medication.

By far the worst thing for me, personally, is the anorgasmia. It’s something I’ve experienced since I first started taking them, and if anything it seems to be worsening. Some days, toys, partners and hands have no chance and I simply have to give up on an orgasm entirely. Orgasming with a partner is especially difficult – and this is no slight on any recent sexual partner – as that buildup phase of an orgasm is particularly fragile and fleeting in me.

How does this correspond to toy testing and reviewing? Well, I have to pick my days/times for testing carefully – pick a time when my clit’s playing ball, if you will. Failing that, and that may not always be possible, I also have to take into account my own reactions when reviewing – questioning “Is my lack of arousal/orgasm related to the toy or me?”

In some ways it’s strangely helpful. A lot of women (and men for that matter, especially on SSRIs) suffer from difficulty reaching climax and to be able to tell them what did it for me – even with these issues – might help. For example, the Tracey Cox Orgasm Gel and Bombshell Balm were both really fun for me and made it easier to climax.

I don’t intend for this blog to become “about” my mental health issues, but I really wanted to discuss my anorgasmia as I feel like more of us who suffer with it should talk about it. I will say, however, that I do intend to discuss my medication with my doctors because if I can fix this, I would definitely be happier.

Do feel free to share your own experiences in the comments, if you like?

NK x